It was not easy, but it was worth it.

When 2014 was coming to a close, I embarked on a journey of opening up about my past and sharing my story regarding my battle with cancer to the world because the urge to tell it was eating me up inside. After being encouraged by my family and receiving a lot of support, I started writing. One night I had one mission before I entered my sheets and that was to write at least two pages so I took my laptop and placed it on my lap and stared at my blank Microsoft office page for a few minutes before finally reaching for my keyboard. I didn’t know where to start or how was I going to sum up a two-year experience into 100-150 pages. How was I going to explain what happened me and why I got sick when I still didn’t understand it as well?  I didn’t know how to explain what I felt and quite frankly, I was scared to revisit the old wounds that I had carried for the last four years but I knew deep down in my heart I had to. That night I started writing and everything flowed and there I was, three pages down the line re-reading what I had written.  “Alright, I think I can do this,” I thought to myself before surrendering to my sleepiness.  

The following day, I was super excited to get back to writing but unfortunately, I couldn’t get passed the 2^nd page because my heart was pounding and tears were flowing down my cheeks onto my lap.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I said to myself, slamming my laptop shut and feeling a heavy load on my chest and a bit of disappointment.
The following morning, I met my uncle in the corridor who immediately asked me if I had started writing the book, I replied with an uncomfortable “not yet,” but what I really meant was “I can’t and I don’t want to.” However, at the back of my mind I knew I had to face it and get this book done. After a week, I decided to give it another shot and as smart as I was, I had forgotten to save my document before slamming it shut the last time I had attempted to write, now this left me angry adding to the 1000 reasons I had been giving myself on just letting it go. After gathering the courage to re-write everything again, by telling myself that it’s just another change to make it even better. By the end of the week, I was back on track and now writing had become my place for peace of mind, it was a feeling I do not know how to explain but I believe writing this book gave me a sense of purpose. My love for writing together with writing a story that would change lives someday gave me peace and urged me to write every day. Knowing that, as my fingers tapped the keyboard, I was a step closer to inspiring a life, helped me sleep well at night.

After a month, I was in over my head. Writing had also become a hiding space from my feelings, I blocked them out and focused my mind solely on writing this story and trying to vividly remember every detail of the journey that I forgot to take time and heal my soul first and for the first time, I started experiencing midnight panic attacks. “What is happening to me?” I thought to myself. I thought I was getting sick again and some nights were worse than others and the fact that I didn’t know what was happening to my body made me feel worse. Writing my book had resurrected all the emotional hurt and pain I had masked with a smile for so long. I had taken my memory back to those hospital corridors and I physically felt like I was back there. The tricks our minds play on us. I knew I had to take a break from my writing and so I took a two-month break from writing and decided to heal before healing others. After six sessions of counseling, I was back on the horse again.

The time came where I had to write again. Counseling helped me to re-write my book with a fresh and healed mind which helped me dive into my story to share it boldly and openly, because unless you have healed, you can’t open up and if you can’t open up, you can’t inspire. People connect more with vulnerability and honesty. I knew I had to lay every part of me on the table because cancer is a serious matter and you have to give it your all in order to fight it and raise true awareness on the issue that cancer doesn’t only affect you physically but also mentally. Even though I was physically cancer free, I had realized that emotionally, I was still fighting.  I had to heal from that too.

December 2015, I brought a finished manuscript to Imagine We, my publishers. “I have done it,” I kept thinking to myself whenever I worked in their offices during different meetings. It was the most fulfilling yet most challenging experience so far and I was proud of myself. Imagine We supported the vision behind my book and were on board with the story, “My name is LIFE.” January 2017, I took another leap of faith and announced my upcoming book to the world. I was really scared at first because you can’t know what to expect from opening up to the world, but the love and the words of encouragement I received on that day, I thought to myself, “OH MY GOD!” That night, all I asked God was, “Was this it? Was this why you let me go through what I went through? If so Lord, I surrender all unto you. Direct my steps.” Then I went to bed.

 A week later, I held a fundraising event and made an official announcement to the world about my journey and yet again, encouragement kept flowing from family, friends and even people I didn’t know. My heart was overwhelmed. After the event, I knew I had to deliver a perfect book. The pressure was not easy but it definitely got a lot of good work done despite the fact that we kept extending the launch dates. Meanwhile, I also needed financial support to finally bring my book to life. During the first week, it was hard because I was not getting all the financial support I needed to meet my budget of 4 million rfw and it brought a lot of stress from running left and right looking for sponsorship. Places where I thought I would rely on to support the cause weren’t really responsive and I would quickly move to another organization. Gathering the funds was challenging but eventually, God made a way. By June 2017, I had gathered all the funds I needed from different organizations that believed in me. It was game-on now.

Now came the editing, possibly every writer’s worst nightmare… Seriously. I worked with three editors and each time, it felt like I was literally re-writing the book all over again because of all the things I had to add or remove but at the end of it all, it was the best book. The pressure to launch grew on me and I had sleepless nights trying to meet a deadline and be a student at the same time. It wasn’t easy because when assignment deadlines knocked on my door, so did the book launch deadline. At some point, I felt like my head was going to explode. My book was my priority but so was my education and so I had to find a way to balance the two, which was a balance really hard to maintain, but I had to do it. Many times I thought of taking a semester break but I knew that’s how people usually end up dropping out of school and that was not on my agenda.

Few months down the line and I am done with the book and ready to finally print and launch, “My name is Life.” Is this how a pregnant lady feels few weeks before the due date? I am raving with excitement and I hope the world receives the love I have poured into writing this book. Also, I would like to deeply thank my publishers at Imagine We for being patient and supportive towards turning this book into a reality. It was not an easy journey but it was worth it and I would do it over and over again just to experience the satisfaction of the end result. Stay tuned.

PRICE: 5000 Entrance only 

15,000 with a copy of the novel

HE SPEAKS

Let me start off by saying that 2017 has been so far one if not my best year ye. Started this year with the announcing of my very first upcoming book, and along with many other things I’ve learnt from writing my book is patience as well as finding my purpose. As a Christian, purpose is the ultimate thing we should pray for and ask God to reveal because we are well aware that we were not just created to just exist but instead we are here for a bigger reason. And so, I don’t know if we have more than one purpose on the earth but am glad to say that I have found my first which is inspiring people through my testimony.

One of the other things I had hoped to achieve this year was growth in my spiritual journey and let me not lie to you, it has been HARD. Countless times God spoke to me about spiritual growth but I was out here being comfortable with where I was at, I mean, I was serving in a ministry at church, reading my bible (sometimes), praying/fasting, and building good relationships with my fellow Christians, that was it right? (I thought to myself).  Till later in November this year, I had one of the most yet to be life-changing revelations. I got to understand that the true model of communication with God and I got to learn that indeed there is a two way communication process between us and  God, though I had heard before that God did indeed communicate to us, I had never completely understood how that worked till I read “Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsh” and oh my Lord, speak of clarity this was the most clarifying experience I had ever had about anything in my life. This happened Mid-November, I was on holiday in Mombasa being sun kissed and whatever but yet again a bit frustrated because am that type of person who likes to understand things fully all the way through and man did I have a lot of questions. And it’s in that moment that I practiced what I had read in the book (the book talks about how God says that he communicates with us through Thoughts and feelings) one thing that hit me though was understand that all this time, I have been communicating to God, if you are one of those people who get lost in their thoughts like I do, then you know what am talking about. And so this whole time I had been communicating to God and I would immediately snap out of it because I thought it’s my ka little brain working things out. And I so I started questioning and thinking about stuff in my life and getting clear answers about them and in that moment I was over joyed at this new level I had just opened in my spiritual journey (if you love video game y’all know the joy of opening a new level? that’s how I felt). I now had this personal communication with God without asking people here and there on their take/opinions on certain things because now I had understood that, you know let me ask God and answers came throughhh yo.

So, Currently am in a state where I am making a lot of time in my day-to-day activities to be alone because I want to spend sometime in God presence and share a dialogue with him and so far God has pin pointed areas in my ways of living, my behaviors and in my friendships that need revival/change and commitment, and he is guiding me in ways to do so but in order for this communication to be effective, I have to build an even deeper relationship with God in order to understand it clearly. And so my brothers and sisters, who have committed your life to Christ, seek for a communicative relationship with our lord because we are all clueless in this journey of faith and we need guidance. Prayer is the answer and together with faith we will reach a level at which God is completely and fully in us guiding our step. Be blessed

RUN AWAY CHILD(God's grace)

 A few years ago, I wanted to run away. To run away from all the hurt and pain I had experienced and because every corner of my house reminded me of sleepless nights of agonizing pain and every street of Kigali led to that hospital I drove to for 6 months going for my chemotherapy session. I just wanted to run away from all that because I thought it was the answer to my healing. What people didn’t know was that as my body healed, my emotional wound grew wide and wide spreading all over my body. The nights I spent crying from pain, I then spent them feeling scared for my future. What was life after a near death experience?

I wanted to run away to another country where everything was new, where I could finally create a new story for myself. I wanted to be in a place where nobody knew my past but this is one of the many discoveries about myself I recently came to understand. The reason to my desire to seek refuge in another space (country) was obvious all along. From that point on every decision I made was out of fear, fear of not filling this void of emptiness in my heart, fear of caring this pain and hurt with me to all the corners of the world, “to my new world”. A year later after multiple failed attempts to move away, I receive Jesus in my life and everything just took a 360 in my life.

Amidst all the chaos, I learned a big lesson that no man nor place on this earth could ever heal a wounded heart nor fill an empty void. Neither man nor place could ever change one’s story but only in Christ we find refuge and a new beginning, my void to seek refuge was filled with the hunger to seek God more and my heart still burns with that desire. See, you can seek refuge in the world but that shelter last hours if not minutes, you will feel a sense of peace but that will only be temporary. But only in Christ we can experience an eternal sense of peace. Christ healed my wounds and made me brave by giving me strength to tell of his goodness boldly. Today I use my pain that I wanted to run away from to restore hope and bring people to God. It’s funny how when you encourage people some how you feel encouraged too. I accept that my story is God vessel to touch his people and I am grateful I was chosen by God to be used today.  I understand why gold has to first pass through fire to shine. I have embraced that God had to let me go through pain and suffering so that I become who I am today. Imagine if I could have actually moved away and lived an ordinary life away from God’s destiny for me, I promise you I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today. Nukuri, I look back and I can sense the misery I would be living in. Please listen and accept God’s plan for you, it’s beautiful. Because I surrendered to God, which was and still is my biggest challenge (So, pray for me shaJ) I now try to live my life according to his will and not mine, even though I sometimes fail God with my human stubbornness of disobedience (Higiness) I know I have received forgiving grace and that God’s will is ten times if not a hundred times better than mine. Brethren, allow him to use you, I promise you, it’s hard at first but it’s worth the try.

As humans, we want the mediocre lifestyle with all the shinny things in life but that’s not God’s plan for us. God wants us to live a great and fulfilling life that gives him honor and praise. To God be the glory, great things he has done for me

Are you blocking your blessings?

We may wonder, how does one block their blessings yet they don’t know what they are. The answer is, nobody knows how God is going to bless them but the word of God tells us that, he (God) alone knows the plans he has for you, plans to bring you good and not harm. Isn’t that reassuring enough? But somewhere between knowing what’s wrong and right, we loose ourselves and we start off by bringing ourselves down which later on brings us harm. We attract and carry a weight that God lifted off our shoulders, even though most Christians have surrendered their heavy weights, we sometimes find ourselves picking it right back.

Now back to our blessings. How do we block our own blessings? By, speaking death into our lives.

    “The tongue has the power of life and death,

        And those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:22

The challenging part is that, most of us (myself included) speak death into our lives without realizing we are doing so because we have made such a big part of our lives and a very casual conversation in our daily lives, for example,

A friend: Hey Karen, how is everything at school going?

Karen: Girlll, am definitely failing one class this semester. I can feel it already.

A friend: Really? What went wrong?

Karen: Umm I don’t really know per say but I just feel like I’ll fail.

See what Karen just did there?

And so, it’s in this way we speak death into our lives and find that things aren’t working in our favor and we go on to nagging and depressing over our failures not even stopping for a while and actually thinking about how we might have initiated/caused it. Most of the time  we speak death into their future because there’s a sense of not deserving which is a lie we are told by the devil. Thing about it this way, why would the devil whisper words of encouragement to you and so if it’s negative it’s definitely from the devil right? But as Christian who have learned and understood the spiritual life and how we have to walk by the world of God, you need you have to CUT IT. If the devil’s lies are starting to sound convincing in your life, you have to revisit your relationship with God.

Let’s not limit God; speaking death into our lives limits God’s work in our lives because God cannot manifest himself in a low faith/spiritual life. We serve a faithful God; he is able and ready to give us beyond and above all what we could ever ask for. Change your mindset and let your faith bring you peace in knowing your dreams, ambitions are in great hands. The great hands of our master and creator.