A few years ago, I wanted to run away. To run
away from all the hurt and pain I had experienced and because every corner of
my house reminded me of sleepless nights of agonizing pain and every street of
Kigali led to that hospital I drove to for 6 months going for my chemotherapy
session. I just wanted to run away from all that because I thought it was the
answer to my healing. What people didn’t know was that as my body healed, my
emotional wound grew wide and wide spreading all over my body. The nights I spent
crying from pain, I then spent them feeling scared for my future. What was life
after a near death experience?
I
wanted to run away to another country where everything was new, where I could
finally create a new story for myself. I wanted to be in a place where nobody
knew my past but this is one of the many discoveries about myself I recently
came to understand. The reason to my desire to seek refuge in another space
(country) was obvious all along. From that point on every decision I made was
out of fear, fear of not filling this void of emptiness in my heart, fear of
caring this pain and hurt with me to all the corners of the world, “to my new
world”. A year later after multiple failed attempts to move away, I receive
Jesus in my life and everything just took a 360 in my life.
Amidst
all the chaos, I learned a big lesson that no man nor place on this earth could
ever heal a wounded heart nor fill an empty void. Neither man nor place could
ever change one’s story but only in Christ we find refuge and a new beginning,
my void to seek refuge was filled with the hunger to seek God more and my heart
still burns with that desire. See, you can seek refuge in the world but that
shelter last hours if not minutes, you will feel a sense of peace but that will
only be temporary. But only in Christ we can experience an eternal sense of
peace. Christ healed my wounds and made me brave by giving me strength to tell
of his goodness boldly. Today I use my pain that I wanted to run away from to
restore hope and bring people to God. It’s funny how when you encourage people
some how you feel encouraged too. I accept that my story is God vessel to touch
his people and I am grateful I was chosen by God to be used today. I understand why gold has to first pass
through fire to shine. I have embraced that God had to let me go through pain
and suffering so that I become who I am today. Imagine if I could have actually
moved away and lived an ordinary life away from God’s destiny for me, I promise
you I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today. Nukuri, I look back and I can sense
the misery I would be living in. Please listen and accept God’s plan for you,
it’s beautiful. Because I surrendered to God, which was and still is my biggest
challenge (So, pray for me shaJ)
I now try to live my life according to his will and not mine, even though I
sometimes fail God with my human stubbornness of disobedience (Higiness) I know
I have received forgiving grace and that God’s will is ten times if not a
hundred times better than mine. Brethren, allow him to use you, I promise you,
it’s hard at first but it’s worth the try.
As
humans, we want the mediocre lifestyle with all the shinny things in life but
that’s not God’s plan for us. God wants us to live a great and fulfilling life
that gives him honor and praise. To God be the glory, great things he has done
for me
