Confidence in time of Trouble

 “The peace that Jesus gives is not the absence of trouble, but rather the confidence that he is there with you always”

Looking back to this quote, I am remembered so much about my past experiences, we live in a world of so much pain and lots and lots of troubles but if we read careful into the scripture; God doesn’t tell us I will be with you in this world full of peace but rather, I will be with you through the troubles. He did not lay out in details all the troubles we would be facing but everyone has a troubling situations that you will go through, and I can’t say when these situations come in your way dusty it off and be strong because I know firsthand it’s easier said than done but instead, turn to the one who made the promise and say; “Lord, I am here to claim my promise you made to me way before I was even born” and trust me it is not wrong.

In 2012, around the month of December I was still really ill, at that time I was literally not putting anything in my mouth, the doctors had inserted a feeding tube, which was  very uncomfortable at first but it was either that or no chance of survival, so basically I was not taking solid foods just liquids and healthy formula powders to get me by, so anyways we were approaching Christmas day and some of the Rwandan Students we’d met there wanted to organize something special for all the Rwandan patients leaving in those apartments, we were about  5 to 6 families. As they were organizing this event I kept thinking to myself; aw mehn am not going to be able to eat and enjoy food on Christmas day and I bet they’ll be all these amazing dishes, I was really sad at that fact of not being able to enjoy like and with everyone else. We were in one of the families’ apartment which was on the 5^th floor, ours was on the 4^th floor, after a while planning everything we went back up to our room.

I then took my bible, wrote down a prayer request “God it’s the 21^st today, you have about 4 days to open up whatever is causing me not to be able to eat, I want to celebrate Christmas and be able to eat OK!. I then folded the piece of paper, put it in my bible, prayed and went to sleep. The following day I had a chemo session which I walked into very confidently compared to other days where I’d walk in feeling like I just want this to be done already, in the course of the night having done that gesture of hope towards God I’d become very confident in God, I was full of hope that after this week’s session I’d be good to go for Christmas, basically I went in with a “bring it on” attitude. God’s shower of confidence in trouble or situation is very powerful. Even now when am battling with anything I just say to God give me confidence you gave me that day, I want to experience it AGAIN!

God’s timing is never wrong, and there’s a reason he did not make it happen then but he eventually made it happen but he is faithful always. I call everyone to pray and claim this promise from God, “Confidence in time of Trouble”

 

                                                                             Xoxo.

 

                                                                             

Stand confidently in the promise

Pray first, Plan afterwards

God expects us to be orderly; He expects us to manage our time, to discipline ourselves, to prepare well-planned programs, but if we could learn to pray first and plan afterwards, how different would be our lives?

Sharing my experience, a while back when I was still in high school, I was not saved really but I use to pray here and there attend church on Sundays sometimes even, I lived a very planned life though, I use to literally sit down and just plan my whole future in my head; Graduate  high school with good grades, enroll in university within a year, I basically had everything planned out, I remember during lunch breaks with my friends we would all sit around and talk about life after high school, which pretty much felt like the best thing there is. But I wish I knew then what I know now, that a plan without prayer is impossible and God is not happy with it either.

Again to a while back when I had finished all my treatment, I was ready to go back to my usual life, take back my plans and resume my dreams and all, but I remember I sat down and I started figuring out my next steps, I went back to my old ways of planning and planning about the future, even then you would think I learnt a lesson about praying first and then planning but I hadn’t, I was just still the planner type only. So after everything was done health wise, I was so ready to get back to school, do some courses here and there, I remember I started with computer classes for about 3 months.

After a while I  enrolled in a university but just something didn’t feel right, I kept thinking to myself, but everything is going according to plan “kind of” so what’s the matter? But I kept meeting obstacles, it was a horrible feeling, knowing that you are doing everything right but it just doesn’t feel right, and that can be very dramatic emotionally. The point is, life is full of daily decisions, planning and all of that but we have to keep our eyes on the one who can provide far more than our expectations, I believe that some of us think we know what we want or we settle for less just because we think it’s the way, it’s suppose to be, but it’s a LIE.

Isn’t that what happens too many of us? We work, we pull, we struggle and we plan until we are utterly exhausted, but we have forgotten to plug the source of power. And that source of power is PRAYER,

A soul that prays, Is a Joyful soul

And when you pray,believe you've recieved

ASK AND YOU SHALL BE GIVEN.

On Sunday, as I left church after a very beautiful sermon, something come to my mind, it kept playing over and over in my head for a longtime. As I layered in bed after my lunch, taking a nap, I started thinking about the chapter in ”Matthew 7:7” Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. But my mind kept focusing and reflection more on the “Ask and it will be given to you” line and that is when it became clear, the depth of the line. All we have to do is literally just ask, I said to myself it doesn’t say; ask and then pray nonstop, or ask and fast for a week so I will hear you more, or say ask and then give money to the church, it doesn’t say any of that which are also very good gestures and deeds by the way, don’t get me wrong. Just want to talk more of this simple act of faith we take for granted yet we’ve been given power indirectly.

It also got me thinking of; let’s say when you enter a restaurant or coffee shop, the waiter automatically comes up to you and you ask for what you want, be it; food or a drink, she or he then takes your request/order, but you don’t keep repeating the order for them now do you? You just give it once and you sit back and relax instead, chat with your friends, Sometimes even when it’s taking a bit longer than usual we don’t go back and ask again, no we just sit and wait. While we wait we don’t even think for a second; oh maybe my order is not coming, or maybe she forgot about it. We are calmly waiting instead keeping ourselves occupied.

That is the EXACT SAME attitude, we should have towards God. We should be able to humble ourselves, ask for a certain thing then wait patiently, better yet immediately start being thank him for delivering , thank God for he has heard you , and you are about to receive soon. Plus the word says in patience and humbleness God is working.

Beginning of this month (November), I was talking to close friend of mine, we started talking about the “40 days” of prayer and fasting before the year ends, I then begun this thing whereby my everyday prayer doesn’t consist of anything else but “Giving Thanks”, I don’t ask God for anything because quite frankly since the year beginner all I did was asked and asked and asked, so I took this month and the following month (December) to do nothing else but thank God for what he has done and what he is about to do, and as we thank him that is when you realize what he has done, God opened my eyes to realizing even the smallest  things and be grateful for them and of course the major ones we take for granted. Hey I even started thanking God for what I asked for that hasn’t been answered but I still thanked him because I know and have learned to understand; not what our pastors have said, not what our parents have said but what HE, MY GOD said himself and no one else. ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE.

                                                                                        xoxo 

CHOICES IN LIFE

Over the years, something very interesting has been popping up in my mind, well to be more specific, it all started this year, all changed in my life throughout out this year and I am not talking about physical changes rather mind changes, my mind set was slipped all the way.

Before I go into details, let me start off with “an experience of mine”

Towards the end of 2012, In September to be more specific, my illness became so worse I completely stopped eating and this was not by choice, I developed a very critical medical condition whereby nothing was able to go down my throat, in the beginning just liquid substances and in the long run, they also became impossible to pass. Anyways this is what would happen, every time I tried eating or drinking something it would get stuck right around my esophagus and it would irritated it then I throw it all out, that went on for a long time, it was a very confusing medical condition I was experiencing; I’d never heard of it, I didn’t know anything or what was going on, I just stopped eating because what was the point? even my appetite reduced, I even lose the urge of eating completely.

So, with that traumatic experience, like they always say; every experience leaves you tougher than before. This one on the other hand opened my eyes wider, they are so many things in our lives we think we have no control over yet we have 100% control over it like; Our happiness, Our ability to control our emotions, our thoughts and so many mindset related, think about all those uncontrolled things in our lives for me I refer back to my illness but everyone has their story and struggles, We’ve all been through this and that we had no control over yet we kept calm and carried on, now think about those things we can control. Wake up and say today I AM GOING TO SMILE NO MATTER WHAT, i assure you that this is a decision that no illness, no person, nothing can stand in the way of, CHOICE TO BE HAPPY, honestly who can come and tell you, hey you I order you not to be happy today, uumh nobody…so you see what am trying to say here, let’s take great advantage of the advantage of the many things in our lives we are in control of to make up for those uncontrolled situations which will occur in our lives from time to time

The last months, I’ve been through a lot of pressure of trying to organize some personal matters in my life, I got overwhelmed to the point I completely forgot about the ability of choice making in my life, even after what I’ve been through you’d think nothing can shake me but often time, I am blindsided then I think to myself; Karen really? Really though? I like to think its God’s voice in my head. He is speaking to me, reminding me to take a minute, look back and think again

And then something happened a few days ago, It was a long day at work, I’d been so stressed both with work and school stuff and just like any other human would do, I started complaining, ah today I had a horrible day, my day sucked blah blah all that nagging business, and then out of no one I received a phone call with no caller ID and it was my cousin’s house help, This woman had been in a terrible car accident, we had been talking about her at home, everyone was really worried about her condition, so she decided to call, I honestly didn’t even know this woman had my number, because we don’t communicate a lot other than the fact that I bump into her at my cousins place, anyways I picked up, when I heard her voices, it hit me, oh my gosh, why is this lady calling me? Isn’t she suppose to be incautious? i was in shock to the point where I didn’t have any words to say, I just rumbled up stuff to say but I was in total shock, basically this is how I see it, I thought I was having a bad day, God was like, you don’t even you know, let me show you, even remind you a little bit of how a bad looks like. Before she hung up after a 10 minutes conversation, when I asked if she needed anything and how everything was, she said to me, well you know how hospitals are. Oh my gosh like she couldn’t have said it better, she said it so innocently though, don’t get me wrong but It spoke to me from within,

Anyways, I really wanted to share this with everyone here, remember you have A CHOICE TO YOUR EMOTIONAL STATUS. Be blessed

                                                   xoxo

ACCEPTANCE

There’s a lot that goes on in our lives that we can’t change, we usually don’t understand them mostly instead; the harder we fight to change or control them the heavier it gets for us to handle them emotionally but the sooner we realize that; we just got to let it happen and deal with it in the best way we can. The faster we live happier than usual

So, with that being said...This is my story;

After a few months of undergoing my chemotherapy treatment, the inevitable happened whereby I sat and watched my hair fall off every single day. It took time for me to deal with it, I had braids on at the time so it fell off slowly by slowly, like 4 pieces of braids a day etc until one day I decided, you know what Karen? LET IT GO... LET IT GO….LET IT GO. That is when I woke up one morning and I finally took the incentive to cut it all off once and for all.

For months, I invested in turbans and wigs; I’d spend hours and hours on YouTube watching wrap tutorials, checking out cool wigs and I also sent for some fairly looking wigs from around. Frankly speaking I hated them when they’d finally arrive, I remember I would always find something wrong with every wig I owned, looking for the unnecessary flaws; ah it’s too short at the back ,ah it’s too long at the front, ah I don’t like the middle style..i came to realize that all that nagging and constant complaints was because I did not want this transformation, I did not like this person I’d started looking like. It just wasn’t me

And then one day, I Found the solution to my problems; the reason behind that behavior, I had figured out what the problem was, which turned out to be a low sense of “ACCEPTANCE” I’d developed. Cambridge dictionary has a lot of meanings to it, but this is my favorite.

Acceptance is the fact of accepting a difficult or unpleasant situation. BINGOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

What was next, I had to accept what was going on with me at that moment in order to start looking at things differently so I got rid of the turbans and the wigs and it was time to go out and feel free and beautiful once again BOLD, I was a bit insecure at first but as time went by I started loving the look and also got quite a good feedback from people about my new look. Up to this day, I thank God for that courageous move, to be able to go through with it and to accept the changes I was not in control of.

Experience...Bucket list activities PART1

A few days ago,i had the chance to explore the beautiful mama land. The western province known as Cyangugu. The weather there is quite not the average Rwandan weather,it is colder compared to the weather experienced in Kigali or any other place,seriously it gets so cold at night everything by morning feels like it had been stored in the freezer. i remember we'd carried bottles of water,juice etc and that morning when i took a sip,it felt like straight out of the fridge kind of water,i was like eeishh!!!! a cousin of mine after a shower applied her roll on and body spray,it was cold as well, we basically got a taste of how it would be like if we kept our perfumes and sprays in the fridge before we went to bed,pretty sure some people would easily give up on spraying themselves by the way because it is not a good feeling at all.

Anyways the day we arrived Cyangugu and headed straight into the dense forest of Nyungwe, we got there hanged around a bit,had lunch and after that it was time to start the long trail down to the "CANOPY WALK WAY"aka the highest bridge in East Africa by the way ,that was one thing i'd been looking forward to for months and the time was finally here. Reading about "the canopy walk" in the papers,on social media and all around, i had no doubt in my mind this was something i needed/wanted to try. This was Day1 of the amazing adventurous weekend,well we headed down whereby we had to hike for about 30-40 minutes before reaching to it,and as we hiked down it was so smooth and all and i started thinking to myself,Man the hike back up though;it is going to be DEADLY! but i just snapped out of it and kept the excitement alive. Few minutes later voila, The amazing,most talked about walk in the adventurous life of Rwanda.

 LOCATION: Nyungwe Park Forest

                                                                       First Attempt

The longest one

They are 3 parts to this canopy,the longest one is tremendously scary,well for me personally gosh it was those type of situations whereby you get to the middle and you wonder "what did i jut get myself into,seriously" and the scary part is once you've started walking there's no turning back so you either choose to freeze in the middle while it shakes and makes these scary metal noises or move forward till you make it to the finish and when you get to the end a great feeling of accomplishment feels you up #IMadeIt,i was surprised by my fear though,i was playing the tough guy in the beginning which all went from 100 to 0 real fast. phahaha

But at the end of it all,it was a very nice experience and  totally a bucket list tick for me,though it got me thinking twice about the zip lining experience i want to try out in the future..Hmmmm

EXCITEMENT.....EXCITEMENT.....EXCITEMENT!

On my previous post "Who is Karen" i talked briefly about my passion/love for traveling were i shared a bit about my Doha experience. I'll be going through more details about this trip on this blog and as well talk more about the initial destination area.

It was October,2014 my very first traveling adventure alone,Boarded the plane and i was away and about and as i landed in Doha spend the night and day there. Got to my hotel around 5 am and as tired as i was i was just filled with excitement,a bit to excited to sleep as well, stressed by the fact that i wasn't yet connected to the hotel WIFI i had to get that sorted out before anything else is done.

Hotel room mini leaving room

Woke up the next morning with buggy eyes because i hadn't had any form of sleep whatsoever,it was one of those sleeping but not real asleep moment which went on all night till 9 am when i woke up to go check out what was on the menu for breakfast. To my surprise i found strange looking Arab breakfast,the Arab culture is something i wasn't used to nor did i ever hear anything about it so basically they have these weird looking type of foods they have in the morning with the most difficult names to pronounce or read but i knew straight away that it was i pass for me,so i moved on to the kind of breakfast i am used to which turned out to be well prepared as well,guess they did consider that not only Arabs would be coming in for breakfast.

 

The Arabic breakfast

My kind of Breakfast 

Few hours later,i was on my way to my final destination which was Bangalore,India. i arrived safe and sound after 3-4 hrs and i was on the road to my hotel which was a 1-2 hr drive but since it was 3 am without any traffic jam it took about an hr and some minutes!Exhausted i checked in and i was out.

Little safe haven

Let me talk a little about this city on Bangalore,known to the locals as Bengaluru. As most people know or heard India is quite not the cleanest of countries though i have to say some areas are worse than others and others are surprisingly clean compared to others,the famous country known for their spicy food and it is REALLY spicy by the way,if it wasn't for home cooked meals i wouldn't have survived a day in India because well i really don't enjoy spicy foods at all,being in India was an experience i am so thankful for,it is so funny how everything you see on TV about India is actually true,it's one country the media doesn't lie about for sure,if y'all have watched :Eat,Love and Pray" with Julia Roberts voila,why i say this movie it's coz the whole time there,it's the movie that kept popping up in my head.

Bangalore,India

A little bit of nights that turned into days PART1

                                                                 From the top

Destination: India.Bangalore

    This was the beginning of a long journey, a journey that not even words can explain. One i can't find the right words to explain. 

That was me and my aunt Yvonne on our first trip to India,we arrived at 3 am Bangalore time and as we arrived we were grateful to meet angels along the way.

If you would have asked me what i expected,what was on my mind right then, chances are i would have said..well you see am going to India man,cool right?lol

i was on a 12 hrs flight transit from Doha to Bangalore included and i wasn't eating or drinking just living by the holy spirit himself.

But in calmness God intervenes,and he is always there to make you go through the an imaginary,see Paul said in Philippines 2;14, "Do all things without complaining. so basically when you complain you remain but when you praise you raise.

Practice the culture of hope, feeling hopeful and letting it fill your heart. I remember some nights i would go to bed thinking to myself "I'll be well tomorrow" and i believed it 100%. keeping calm is the greatest weapon because frankly speaking what can you do about it anyways?NOTHING,i went on and held onto the only thing i know i had control over at that moment which  were 'MY FAITH AND HOPE.

                                                          After 1 cycle of chemotherapy

One day as i was heading into the shower,i bumped into a mirror it had always been there but for some reason it caught my attention that moment. I looked in the mirror and saw this person,who was this? i thought to myself,how can this happen to me? all these emotions and confusions ran into my head. I'd lost over  30 kgs in the last months, i was just bones and flesh at that moment, It was tough to come from who i was to who i'd become, but i kept it cool and tried to make it look cute besides the fact that none of my cloths were fitting anymore but i did not dare to buy cloths in smaller sizes because i was positive this was for a short while and IT WAS.

I was a 19 years old girl that had been diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma. The day of the official diagnosis i walked into the hospital and they told me my previous doctor who had been running all the tests had referred me to "AN ONCOLOGIST" and we were like an onco what? a Cameroonian guy in charge of all the international patients came to us for some explanations. Eh bien, un oncologue est un medicin pour le cancer. I honestly don't recall my reaction,feeling or anything when he said that, my memory is completely blank from that part, up to this day i have tried and tried to remember but it's blank,could it be shock?,I DON'T KNOW.

Why i started blogging?

I would sit down on some days and feel like i want to right something inspiring,something inside me wanted to share,so i'd turn to Facebook. but long statuses weren't my thing. i was more of a talking through pictures kind of person but of course the urge to share,my urge to share would rise. December 29th i wrote that on my Facebook page and i was surprised by the feedback, i was like hey people like this?interesting but i didn't proceed to posting more,UNFORTUNATELY..why?no idea

today morning the urge returned,i woke up and as i was looking through my snap chat stories up on the live stories,there was the "Get your pink on" where breast cancer survivors and others supporting the cancer survivors were doing the 5K MARATHON. 

i was so moved and touched by that act of support which made me want to post something on my Facebook. page, and there it was.....

Support system    

reason why i started blogging was to create a platform for my life experiences both the exciting ones.scary ones and interesting ones all which are true stories and face to face experiences which had an impact to my life and will carry on to have a positive effect to the future me. And of course my number one reason was for the support system that God gave me ,those who send encouraging messages through social media and everywhere else ,since i can't really go onto details over a Facebook post consider this as a detailed and specific information little place.

xoxo.

Sometimes i sit down and i think to myself,an my stories impact,touch or encourage some people out there?isn't everyone going through something tough of there own? but every story impact people differently and every story is encouraging in different ways and ones struggles are different in there so bottom like is every story is WORTH TELLING.

Who is Karen "Introduction"

Introduction,Introduction...guess that's where we all have to start from. with that being said let me introduce myself now.
  Dear Readers,Thank you for visiting my blog and on this page i start off by telling you about,who you are reading about.My names are Karen Bugingo though sometimes francophones and my fellow Rwandasn at times call me "Carene or Carine" so don't make that mistake. i was born and Raised in t a small country of Rwanda located at the heart of AFRICA. I am 23 years old,and that's about what am positively sure i know about me..lol

The next few blogs as i go on,i'll talk more of myself and from there my readers will find out for themselves who i really am,i believe we really don't know who we are but our words determine who we are and what we will become...so guess along MY PEOPLE..

.xoxo


Basically,i am an average 23 year old with certain passions,dreams and visions. Traveling and photography are my biggest passions ;as in the 2 things that give me the biggest smile on my face and a lot of excitement. p.s: i am not a  photographer nor am i good at taking pictures few people can testify to that *cough* cough* ..lol but i am yet to find out what we are called "Those people who are good at being taken pictures" or know there way around the front part of the camera rather than the cliche word "Model" so if someone finds out before i do,please let me know.

                                                                       Qatar,Doha

On the topic of my passion and love for Traveling,in 2014 i had the chance and opportunity to travel alone besides the purpose of the travel which wasn't as bad either but oh well had to the make the best out of it,A girl-friend of mine once told me,you should travel alone sometimes it may sounds like no fun or depressing but you get to communicate to the inner self as crazy as that sounds,but i was in Doha for 24 hrs by myself and had a little chit-chat with the inner me.but at least i made a friend along the way because honesty at some point i really needed someone to take pictures of me.

Am guessing by now some people will have an idea of who i am.And a quick reminder,i am open to any questions or curiosity brought to the table.